Monday, December 6, 2010

He Said...


by Patrick Adams

Before I bite into Panera’s “Chocolate Duet with Walnuts” cookie, a rich cocoa aroma clouds my sinuses so that I can’t detect the walnuts or the white confectionery chunks I see concretized in this dessert. Once I take a bite, I notice that it is crunchy around the edges and more malleable as you near the center. I can hear my molars paying their dues while they grind down the crunch. Then the taste punches me in the mouth! I’m overwhelmed by all the chocolate. It tastes exactly like it smells, which isn’t all that bad at first, but then milk becomes my lifeblood. And I have none of that. The chocolate sucks all the moisture from my salivary glands, something that could be due in part to the 150 mg of sodium and 36 g of sugar. I can’t stop, though, because I haven’t had lunch. My trade-off is dehydrating me. It reminds me of my family vacations when my parents would purposely drive into the most undeveloped corners of the United States and have a coffee break. These tortuous breaks consisted of coffee, of course, and various cookies. No milk. The only water was the ice that had melted in the cooler, so it tasted like whatever was in there at the time: bologna, salami and hotdogs. Nothing says “I love you” like meat-water and cookies. I complain and realize it’s actually just my fault. I should have prepared at the last gas station by purchasing a drink instead of napping. I would never be able to make it as a hibernating animal. Obviously I have not the skills to prepare for trekking out into the wilderness. By this time I realize I’m giving the “Chocolate Duet with Walnuts” too hard of a time. Basically, it's a good cookie, maybe even a great one, but it needs milk to put the chocolatey fire out.

3 comments:

  1. "Meat-water" may be the greatest phrase ever uttered in the English language.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is probably one of my favorite reviews from this semester. It's so descriptive, which could be good or bad depending on how you look at it.

    I also love the "He Said, She Said".

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think the "He Said, She Said" is also a great idea. A good way to bring in more reviews. And, of course, "meat-water" will forever be one of my favorite lines. Super funny.

    ReplyDelete